TROUBLES, INCORPORATED......

.....'.and you think you have troubles....Possum Gulch, Arkansas Route #1.......
  The Bakersfield Company...St. Louis, Missouri

   Once again, I'm takeing this from another article that I found in massive amout of articles & paperwork that I retrieved from my trip to Connecticut.......

    Gentleman:

   I just recieved your superheated letter in regards to the bill I owe you. You thought it could have been paid a mlong time ago and you couldn't understand why it wasn't. Well I will enlighten you.
 
   In 1937, I bought  a sawmill on credit, in 1938, an Ox team and timber,a car,two Ponies, a breach loading shotgun, a wine tester and a $25 Colt revolver. Also two fine razor back hogs....all on the damn enstallment plan. In 1939 the mill burnt down and didn't leave a damn thing. One of the ponies died andI loaned the other to a son-of-a-bitch who staved it to death and then I joined the church. In 1940 my father died and my brother was lynched for horse stealing. A railroader knocked-up my daughter and I had to pay $88 to a doctorto keep the little bastard frombecolming a relative of mine. In 1941 my boys got the mumps and they went fishing and the boat turned over and lost the biggest Catfish I ever saw...two of my boys drowned...neither being the one that was castrated. In 1945 my wife ranaway with a no-good butcher and and left me with a pair of twinsas a souvenir.
   Then I married the hired girl to keep down expenses, but I had trouble getting her to go off. I went to a doctor and he advised me to create some kind of excitement about the time she was ready.That night I took the shotgun to bed with me and when i thought she was ready, I stuck the gun out the window and fired. My wife shit the bed, I ruptured myself and shot the best cow I ever owned.
    In 1947  I burned out...then I took to drinking. I didn't stop until  all I had left was a Waterbury watch and Kidney trouble. Then for sometime all I did was wind my watch and run to piss.
    The next year I decided to try again, so I bought a manure spreader, Deering binder and a threshing machine, all on credit and then came a cyclone and blew everything into the next county. My wife caught the clap from the traveling salesman, my boy wiped his ass on a corn cob that had rat poison on it  and some bastard nutted my best bull.
    Now, at the present time, if it cost a nickel to shit, I'd have to vomit, yet you saym you can cause me trouble.

    Trying to get money out of me would be like tring to poke butter up a wildcat's ass with a hot poker, but mister you sure are welcome to try!
   
                         Very truly yours,  anyone who has been on the bitter end of a collection agency..!