As most of you know I just recently got back from my trip up North to Connecticut, where I successfully retrieved the rest of my belongings that I had left behind when I ventured south to my new life in Florida. Some of that has already been posted on my older blogs. Anyone that would like to conjur them up, would just have to scroll to the end of the page , where it say's:' 'old posts' or 'new posts'. I thought I'd introduce some new one's on a lighter note that were written by another author, of whom will remain anonomus.
Most all of you know my relationship with the numerous dogs I've had in my life. Now at this point in my life, I understand the fact that it will be no more to haveing a Dog, or any other animal for that fact, since I will be more content meeting people who have their own pets, that I find along the way in my new travels in life. Therefore I thought that I'd start off with this story that I recently found in my belongings, that I will be shareing, along with others, includeing more from 'Auntie'.
It goes like this......
Everybody who has a Dog calls his 'Rover' or 'Boy'. I call mine 'Sex'. Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to City Hall to renew my Dog licence, I told the clerk I would like tom have a licence for Sex. He said, 'I'd like to have one too'. Then I said 'But this is a Dog'. He said he didn't carewhqat she looked like. Then I said, 'you don't understand; I've had Sex since I was 9 yrs. old.' He said, 'You must have been quite a kid'.
When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I wanted to have Sex at the wedding. He told me to wait until after the wedding. I said, 'But Sex has played a big part in my life, and my whole lifestyle revolves around Sex.' He said he didn't want to hear about my personal life and would not marry us in his church. I tolkd him that everyone coming to the wedding would enjoy haveing Sex there. The next day we were married by a justice of the peace. My family is barred from the church.
My wife and I took the Dog along with us on the honeymoon. When I checked into the motel, I told the clerk that I wanted a room for me & my wife and a separate room for Sex. The clerk said that every room in the motel was for Sex. Then I said, 'You don't understand, sex keeps me up all night'. He said, 'Me too.'
One day I entered Sex in a contest but before the competition began, the Dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just standing there looking around. I told him I had to hve Sex in the contest. He told me I should have sold my own tickets. ' But you don't understand', I said, 'I had hoped to have Sex on T.V.' He called me a showoff.
Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking around town for him. A cop came to me and asked me 'What are you doing in this alley at 4:00 in the morning?' I said, 'I was looking for Sex.' My case comes up in the court on Thursday.
When my wife and I separated , we went to court to fight for the custody of the Dog. I said ' Your honor, I had Sex before I was married'. The Judge said,' Me too'. Then I told him that after I was married Sex left me. He said, 'Me too.'
Well now, I've been embarrassed , been married, been divorced and had more damn trouble with that Dog that I ever gambled for. Just the other day I went for my first session with the psychiatrist, and she asked me, 'What seems to be trouble?' I replied, 'Hell, Sex has died and left my life. It's like losing my best friend and it's so lonely'. The doctor said, 'look, mister, you and I both know that Sex isn't man's best friend, so get yourself a Dog.'
Now you should know by now that this story hasn't helped me one bit, since I'm not about to get another Dog, and I'll be damned as when I'll have Sex again...!!
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