.....still adding a few things from my past Journal....

 

                            Sometimes it's good to wonder and dream
                   to drift and escape....
                   but time has it being out of the real world,
                   can distress you...
                   even more greatly when you return....

                                                   Friday, November 30th 1973

          Well I thought that things would clear up after I talked with Dave, and they have! But what Hell broke loose doing it. I still can't believe that I was at the Apartment, trying to harm Meri, or at least making a good show of it. The events leading up to it that evening, were many.
         First, I had too much to drink and smoke...we both did...Dave and I...then after leaving the apartments, we dropped in on Meri at a party at Cathy's. Some surprise...! I met all of Meri's friends, and thought things were going well, Meri was a little pissed...we started to get heavy into the conversation, as the rest of the night dragged on until it was time to go, and we were 'flying' high.
         I had to wait at the apartment, as soon as they drove in and
went upstairs, it wasn't me who took over my body, because I new he wasn't going to stay, I didn't even give him a chance to leave!
         The rest is past and over, but as I feel everything happens to find the true meaning, as this did to release the other person in side of me , called Jealousy....
         
         It is now a new day and I have already talked to Meri this morning...I feel good as I hope she does too, with the past left behind and a bright future ahead of us......

                                               Tuesday, December 18th 1973

        I am running out of time and my mind is filled with things that I can't get done right away, at least I have a place where I can work. But now it is a cold place where other things must be done. One thing that I must do is to try and  write Meri.....
       Things seem to be confusing now with all this unfinished business before Christmas, and finances are low....I must stop and write Meri....

                                                Monday, December 24th 1973
      
         Can a man, or a women, become  a part of fantasy and still keep his well being of life in the back of his head so that he doesn't loose reality completely! Even to a point of drifting back and forth not knowing the middle or even which side is the 'Real' or which may be the 'Dream'...?!

                                               Tuesday, January 3rd 1974

         Things are happening too fast! I only hope that I'll be able to withstand anymore grim responsibility. The pressure sometimes gets unbearable and I do break down almost at any moment! But today is bright and clear, with hopes that this is the sign for well being. I did Pray to Him last night, this might be his answer to me...I can only hope.
        Yesterday Dad had his operation, and the Doctors said it looks bad. He said he'd know by Thursday morning....so I think I will leave this until then.....

                                               Wednesday, January 31st 1974

       Tomorrow is the first of February and I have past January right  by! I guess it is because the month fell short of my high expectations that I had hoped it would bring when I was in December. But now with a new month, and a breath of Spring, I may now bring back some of January on these pages when I am able to sit quietly and warm.....

                                                Friday, June 2nd 1974

       It has past into June, and not a mention of the past six months.
I hope to bring back some of those months later on, but for now, within two weeks,  the future and on, are more unreal and stimulating than what brought me as far down as possible in those past six months.
       What will this new 'Freedom' bring me, if I can even call it that, for I am using the term freely lately, and that I am justified in doing so! I do need it so bad, that it almost puts my thinking process to such a strain, that the 'new real life', is more scary than the 'old'....

            
        As many of you might have gathered, this was from my personal journal from the time I was getting a divorce, while also finding out that my father had Cancer. That last entry was a month or so after he died on April 24th 1974. From which I took  that date and circumstances, and used it to have my 1st Warren Woods Music Festival on May 24th 1975......and dedicated it to him, along with the Cancer Society...hence the name - 'Alive in '75 Lake Country Green..'  The ones that followed were all on the 24th of that month that they were on...August, then.. July the following year.